5 July 2019
The ridiculous preamble
Getting to Melbourne Airport on the Skybus
Disclaimer 1 of many: This is a work trip, do not expect the usual level of nonsense, do not expect the twice a day updates, do not expect awesome photographs of awesome things, if you are lucky you might get a blurry photo of a sandwich and a train.
Disclaimer 2 of many: The last time I went to Paris, I was not impressed. Everyone else seems to love the place, I found it dirty and dangerous. This will no doubt influence the crap that I write here. REMEMBER: This is the falseguide. If I tell you that the Louvre burnt down and has been replaced with a handbag shop run by gypsies, then its probably true.
Disclaimer 3 of probably the last disclaimer: Despite / because of the above, I am reading endless reports from Australians who were robbed in ever increasingly alarming ways while in Paris. Including inside the secure zone of the airport, and including on the train from the airport. There is by my estimation an 11 out 5 chance of being robbed when visiting Paris. Seriously. And when you do get robbed, the French just shrug their shoulders, the Police tell you 'welcome to France!'. The acceptance of failure is the greatest of all French hobbies.
Fast forward now to Melbourne airport, and its time to battle with Etihad. You see over the last year they have transformed into a low cost carrier. My plane to Abu Dhabi is a dreaded 10 abreast 777, very rare on long haul flights, leg 1 of 2 is 15 hours. They normally only manage to shoehorn in 9 seats, but Etihad found room for one more!
There are rumors the in flight entertainment is gone, and that you have to pay for all food!
It is currently, impossible to check in online, its pot luck when you get to the airport. I read that you could phone up and get a seat selection, I tried this, and was actually told by an Etihad goon somewhere in the middle east, that by calling up at all, I was now on the list of people who would be off-boarded and re-booked if the flight was oversold.
At Melbourne airport, I lined up in the first class line, along with everyone else complaining that you cant check in online or select seats. The check in counters opened and a flood of Arabs appeared with 20 bags each! They were not in the line but all got served first. So Etihad is not off to a good start!
After an hour in the line, with only 6 people in front of me, I got to the counter and asked for an aisle seat please, the woman told me the system assigns what the system assigns, she cant control it (bullshit), and then she told me that the flight is currently oversold by 20 people so I am lucky I am near the front of the queue or I would not be flying today.
I thought overselling flights was no longer allowed?
I forgot to do the normal balcony shot no one wants to see, so here is a boring shot of Melbourne on my way to the skybus no one wants to see. Taken with my new Ricoh GR III which is small, light, discrete, awesome, unless it breaks. Many of them seem to be breaking if the internet is to be trusted for accurate information, which it is, always, without question.
What would a trip report thing be without a photo from an airport lounge? Here is 'The House' which Etihad shares with Virgin. I selected a tiny pasta and salad from their rather small menu. One guy near me ordered 2 serves of Barramundi, which for any non Australians who have landed here by accident, is a kind of Australian fish.