Nothing gets peoples attention like a wonderful montage
Here is another retrospective montage thingy that I do so that the first photo of each trip is not a boring photo of me going to the airport. It has not been long since I went to France and England, yet it has faded from my memory already. I guess I prefer going to Asian places and hiking rather than European places and touristing / working.
No one reads this website besides me so its all good.
16 of my favourite photos from this trip, evenly split between France and England.
Getting to Melbourne Airport on the Skybus
Disclaimer 1 of many: This is a work trip, do not expect the usual level of nonsense, do not expect the twice a day updates, do not expect awesome photographs of awesome things, if you are lucky you might get a blurry photo of a sandwich and a train.
Disclaimer 2 of many: The last time I went to Paris, I was not impressed. Everyone else seems to love the place, I found it dirty and dangerous. This will no doubt influence the crap that I write here. REMEMBER: This is the falseguide. If I tell you that the Louvre burnt down and has been replaced with a handbag shop run by gypsies, then its probably true.
Disclaimer 3 of probably the last disclaimer: Despite / because of the above, I am reading endless reports from Australians who were robbed in ever increasingly alarming ways while in Paris. Including inside the secure zone of the airport, and including on the train from the airport. There is by my estimation an 11 out 5 chance of being robbed when visiting Paris. Seriously. And when you do get robbed, the French just shrug their shoulders, the Police tell you 'welcome to France!'. The acceptance of failure is the greatest of all French hobbies.
Fast forward now to Melbourne airport, and its time to battle with Etihad. You see over the last year they have transformed into a low cost carrier. My plane to Abu Dhabi is a dreaded 10 abreast 777, very rare on long haul flights, leg 1 of 2 is 15 hours. They normally only manage to shoehorn in 9 seats, but Etihad found room for one more!
There are rumors the in flight entertainment is gone, and that you have to pay for all food!
It is currently, impossible to check in online, its pot luck when you get to the airport. I read that you could phone up and get a seat selection, I tried this, and was actually told by an Etihad goon somewhere in the middle east, that by calling up at all, I was now on the list of people who would be off-boarded and re-booked if the flight was oversold.
At Melbourne airport, I lined up in the first class line, along with everyone else complaining that you cant check in online or select seats. The check in counters opened and a flood of Arabs appeared with 20 bags each! They were not in the line but all got served first. So Etihad is not off to a good start!
After an hour in the line, with only 6 people in front of me, I got to the counter and asked for an aisle seat please, the woman told me the system assigns what the system assigns, she cant control it (bullshit), and then she told me that the flight is currently oversold by 20 people so I am lucky I am near the front of the queue or I would not be flying today.
I thought overselling flights was no longer allowed?
I forgot to do the normal balcony shot no one wants to see, so here is a boring shot of Melbourne on my way to the skybus no one wants to see. Taken with my new Ricoh GR III which is small, light, discrete, awesome, unless it breaks. Many of them seem to be breaking if the internet is to be trusted for accurate information, which it is, always, without question.
What would a trip report thing be without a photo from an airport lounge? Here is 'The House' which Etihad shares with Virgin. I selected a tiny pasta and salad from their rather small menu. One guy near me ordered 2 serves of Barramundi, which for any non Australians who have landed here by accident, is a kind of Australian fish.
There are currently 2 comments - click to add
David on 2019-07-06 said:
Its $10,000 vs $1500. It is never ever going to be worth it. I could not sleep worrying about what a waste it was when I did fly business.
mother on 2019-07-05 said:
told you you should have gone business class
Flying to Abu Dhabi in economy on an Etihad 10 abreast 777 - Abu Dhabi lounge pics included
Warning! Boring airport photos ahead.
Thankfully my legs are not that long. I fit in 10 abreast oversold economy just fine. Also rumors of the Etihad service being horrifically bad since they announced 'enhancements' about a year ago are a bit overblown.
I did not really notice the difference between the 10 vs 9 seats in a 777, I have flown in 9 abreast many times. If anything the distance between the seats, often called pitch if you are a plane dork, was more than other airlines. Or perhaps my legs have shrunk.
Despite fitting perfectly fine in the torture device / seat, I got almost no sleep, In fact maybe none, the 3 times I nodded, I immediately re-awoke.
Thankfully all those around me seemed to be illness free, and the cabin was surprisingly lacking in lung hacking noises.
They have 3 meal services, the middle one just being a sandwich, and as far as I can tell thats the only time you can get a drink of any kind without paying. They also have paid trolley services with snacks. The stupid thing about this is each time they run this paid service they turn all the lights on, wake everyone up, and announce it. I never saw anyone buy anything from the paid trolley.
Since I am on no sleep with still a lot of no sleep to go until I get to Paris, I suspect this update will be largely nonsensical.
I have just refreshed myself with a second 2 course breakfast and long hot shower in the Etihad first class lounge day spa, which is wonderful. Actually the breakfast was served in the restaurant, not the day spa.
After this short boring update, I will go explore the airport before my flight, despite my long leg flight being 30 minutes early at 13.5 hours instead of 14, there is actually not that much time before the next flight, which will be on an A380.
Now onto the cataclysmically boring airport photos.
These were fast edits, dont expect award winning photos. Dont ever expect that from me. Here is my plane, from afar. Heavy crop at dawn. You can see the seats they have added making the sides of the tube bulge outwards.
This is the inside of the lounge. No downgrades here yet. I guess they are only downgrading their economy service, I qualify to use the first class lounge due to my status with Virgin Australia as top dork on board.
Here is course 1, fruit and yoghurt. It was probably enough, but they also had an ala carte menu, and thats a French word and thats where I am going.
So allah cart-e I did. Thats the correct French Arabic pronunciation. Scrambled eggs with mushrooms. It was great, toast was weird though, no crusts.
While waiting for my shower suite to be made ready by the various lab coated day spa servants, I took in a movie in the wrap around cinema.
And then I took about 30 photos of myself in the shower, all lathered up and soaking wet. If you send me $10 on paypal you get access to that exclusive gallery.
Flying to Paris on an Etihad A380
It is hot in Paris, and very dirty. Thats my update.
This will be another update with very boring photos. It is OK to scroll.
Rewind a bit, and when last I was last dribbling crap in the form of text, I was in the Abu Dhabi lounge having just got out of the shower.
After that, I explored the pathetic airport. It is quite small, but feels a lot smaller than it is because it is very very cramped. I am used to airports having crazy amounts of room for activities, but in Abu Dhabi, the corridors are no wider than a supermarket aisle.
Next up, a ride on an a380 for 8 hours to Paris. The bigger tube was nice, the seats were newer and nicer, the food was horrifically bad. So the service was about the same, just a nicer quieter jet. Airbuses are much much quieter than Boeings.
The only drama to speak of on the flight was a Japanese woman with her arm in a bandages complaining of stomach cramps after visiting Egypt.
Eventually the staff gave her drugs, but told her if she lied to them about taking other pain killers already, then she would most likely die. After taking the pills she passed out cold. I have no further update! I am now waiting to see if she caught SARS from an Egyptian camel, which might mean this is the last thing I ever type, better make it worthwhile.
Arriving at Paris Charles De Gaulle airport was as bad as everyone says it is.
The customs line was a zoo, it took forever, but it might as well have taken longer, I then had to wait over an hour for my bag, which had a 1st class tag on it but seemed to come out last.
Then the airport arrivals area had no shops, no ATMs, nothing, you can see from the photos below!
Thankfully it was a short walk to the RER train station, the worlds most dangerous train. I bought a pass, boarded, and wrapped my bags around my arms and legs and remained hyper vigilant. There were many softer targets on the train. A couple of stops after the airport, it filled up with a variety of locals, and the smell.... the smell was horrific. STEREOTYPES EXIST FOR A REASON! I think they rob people with their smell, wait for you to pass out then just strip you of all your possessions.
Anyway, I survived, my hotel is nice but in a very unattractive dangerous looking area!
44 hours awake and counting, time to post the last of the boring airport photos and head out on the town in my zombie like state.
Now remember, I warned the photos would be bad! Here is the Abu Dhabi airport shopping mall. This is all of it. There is also a Burger King.
There are a lot of huge planes coming and going, despite the millions of people its just a couple of long narrow corridors.
The corridors get narrower, and here is another shopping area. All it sells is stuffed camels. Theres a stall along side it selling dates. Thats all you can buy in Abu Dhabi. I wanted to buy a plush date toy.
Here is my plane. 43 degrees Celsius / centigrade (which is right I dont know?) in Abu Dhabi today, and the sky looks badly polluted. The pollution is not so visible in the photo.
Now I have arrived in Paris. Its the baggage hall. Also long and narrow. I became very acquainted with it during my 1 hour wait. Perhaps one of the 8 times a day strikes had broken out.... TO THE BASTILLE!
This is what you are greeted with when you leave the baggage area. The Air Algeria check in counters and nothing else!
Which one of these people shall I rob? The Korean guy probably has the best phone. The train was slow and hot! I dont think it was air conditioned.
And finally, heres my hotel. Its marketed as student accommodation and you get a little kitchen I wont ever use. It is very near my office and very very cheap! $100 Australian a night even with our current crap exchange rate. Also my room smells like bubble gum, thats a random fact.
Exploring Paris - Photos of the fired damaged Notre Dame cathedral
A rare third update!
Now I have actually taken photos of something that is not an airport.
I am tired and when I finish typing this I can go to bed. It is almost 10pm Paris time.
So lets get on with it.
Getting to the main part of Paris from the stabby part of Paris where my hotel is takes 2 trains, but each only goes one stop. The problem is they are not air conditioned. Lots of people carry a little battery powered fan. This is what is referred to as culture. When something is old and crap, call it culture, make strange noises, people will be impressed.
As you can see I walked around and looked at touristy things.... then had a really long conversation in Chinese at the Chongqing noodle bar, because thats what you do in Paris.
Enough text, lets just do the pics and call an end to this day that went for 3 days.
Here is a Paris RER station. They are different from a metro station, the trains are bigger, some are double decker trains like Sydney. They are still dark and smelly like the metro stations. I will ride a metro at some point to do a comparison, last time I was here it was still possible to open the doors on the metro manually, while the train was moving.
I think I went here last time, but its been done up since then. Something something Les Halles. Whatever its called its the main train station by the Seine, which is a river you know. It is a large still dated looking place despite the makeover.
I forgot the girl soccer world cup is on here. Tomorrow is the final. There is a fan area set up next to Les Halles with hardly any people in it. Girl soccer is not popular.
All of Paris looks like this. Every street the exact same.
People get giddy about the font on these signs. Its kind of like comic sans but with a double strikethrough.
Now we will take a tour of the burnt down Notre Dame. Bike tours are everywhere and a nuisance. Electric scooters are even more everywhere and even more of a nuisance. From this angle it does not look too burned down.
Here is the postcard shot people enjoy taking.
I really had to struggle to find a shot that showed any sign of burnt down. I think this burning down is overblown. Just string a few ropes and hang a tarp, no need for a trillion dollar rebuild.
Lots of people are enjoying hanging out on the concrete in the hot sun. This is a museum, maybe the modern art museum, I forget. It does not get dark here until 10:30pm. It also gets dark really slowly.
As mentioned above, Chongqing noodles for dinner, in Paris. The Chinese girl could not understand English, but she could understand my crappy Chinese. She told me I should work as a tour guide in Paris because I cant speak French but can pretend to speak Chinese. I am not sure what her logic is behind the suggestion? The noodles were delicious, and solved a problem - all the other places had no seating, or if they did it was 2 chairs at a little table in the sun, side by side, with a 20 euro seating fee to eat cheese and pate. I am not a fan of French cuisine.
Now its time to test the flaring resistance and highlight recovery ability of my new camera. Not bad.
Another typical slightly narrower Paris street, with outdoor seating and everyone smoking and coughing.
I am here for work, so here are some bins! ENJOY.
There are currently 3 comments - click to add
jenny on 2019-07-07 said:
like the flare shot. Also the bins - French is so easy to understand - can't read the bottle one though. Your noodles look suitably spicy. We need a temperature update every day and also hotel photos.
elz on 2019-07-06 said:
I'll skip the Chongqing noodles too, is that live worms ?
adriana on 2019-07-06 said:
I'll skip the $10 deal thanks
Palais de Versaille / Palace of Versailles - France
On previous trips I have been to the eyefull tower, I have been to the champs a lease a and I have been to the arch of trump. I had not been to the nearby town of verse eye to see the palace and gardens built by King Louis the 49th to store the heads of the various mistresses he claims to have given him STD's. So today, that is where I went.
Getting there was 2 x RER trains and 1 x metro. All of them hot and filthy. Not as hot as late afternoon yesterday, but still damn hot, smelly, and everything was sticky with bodily fluids of humans and dogs alike. You can take your dogs on the trains, into stores, to school with you, to work, into the parliament, wherever you want in France. Anyway I went on a tangent.
The train heads off out of Paris kind of, through a nicer newer part of town, and then ends up in Versailles which is old but clean, and more colorful than Paris. Thats my detailed description. It only takes about 45 minutes, which is just about as much as anyone can bare, they planned it as such when they designed it.
Presumably when it was designed in 1600 they also planned for bus tours, as there is an enormous parking area, and they put the wiring and plumbing in so that when loudspeakers and computer controlled fountains were invented at some point in the future, they could blast everyone with Andre Rieu music at deafening volume while fountains that seem crap compared to a Chinese supermarket car park fountain do not do very much at all. That was a really long sentence.
I did not go inside the actual palace, as you will see, the line experience was immense. Everyone in the line would be cooked by now, and probably still in that line, as I left it seemed no shorter.
The gardens despite the dedication to unimpressive fountains and uninspired music at all times, are quite nice. What they lack in variety they make up for in size.
It is an easy trip, cheap, and there is a lot of shade. The town is really quite nice, even if it is mostly shut on Sundays because, tradition, culture. Actually all supermarkets in France are shut on Sundays. Strange.
The whole place is filled with a million tourists daily, mainly young white girls. I know my pictures will show Chinese people, but American freedom traitor tourists still outnumber them, and females outnumber males about 10 to 1. While I was wandering around the vast gardens early on, quite a few groups of girls saw me coming and turned and went another way, so I did not get to rob anyone today.
That kind of went all over the place, onto the pics.
The station at Versailles. After getting off the train I paid to use a toilet so I could give myself a thorough wash. Also, paying for toilets is a silly choice! I saw big groups of people pissing openly in parks, like in Germany! France are world leaders in culture.
Here is a street in Versailles. The buildings are one level lower than on a Paris street, and other colors are allowed. Actually if I am not mistaken, the Paris ones were originally public housing for poor people, built as cheaply as possible. Basically a prison for the unemployed.
I was not sure if I could get into the gardens this way, but I thought I would walk to the front of the long line and check out the palace through the fence. The line is actually a snake of 3 joined lines, you line up all the way to the entry gate, a few hundred metres up the hill, then the line turns 180 degrees and comes back to this point, then the line takes another 180 and goes back to the entry gate. Stay tuned for more detailed line pics.
The view through the gate. I got yelled at for taking a photo. That happens a lot.
Here is the line looking back down upon the triple 180 degree line experience extravaganza. I knew before coming today that I would not actually go inside the Palace, lines are not my thing, you cant get many steps standing in a line.
Instead I followed these soldiers with real machine guns for a while. When one of them stopped, turned, and stared at me, I decided to change course.
That took me into the gardens at the back of the palace, behold, a garden! VERY bright sun today, combined with a lot of glowing brilliant iris burning white gravel, challenging for photos.
If you look closely at any of the garden areas you will see they are not maintained to Asian park standards. And now that I mention it, I remember I have been to Palace Versailles - Taiwan. Which is a re-creation built by the guy that owns the Chimei fan and power point company.
I cannot fit it all in one shot. Part of the grounds were closed with temporary grand stands erected, probably for an Andre Rieu Bastille day concert (although he is actually Dutch?).
The view down to the grand canal. Tall hedges either side of the main thoroughfare mask / wall off little fountain areas, each with different blaring music.
I wandered over to the other side, where the garden was in a bit better condition.
There was basically no one around over this side.
About 1/3 of the way down the hill.
The hedges are actually trees. There are wooden lattice walls embedded in them painted green to make hedging them more efficient.
About halfway down the hill. The fountains only operate a few times each day. It is really a bit strange.
Fountain time! Perhaps these were the first fountains in the world choreographed to music or something? It is really not much of a spectacle.
I got yelled at by a guard for standing here and taking a photo. I have no idea why.
Another fountain, fountaining.
Some waterfalls.
I had seen enough fountains by now, time to exit. The French have found a new way to make cars annoying. This is a Citroen, and appears to be registered for driving on the road. It seems as though if you have one you are allowed to just park it anywhere. Maybe its how the soldiers get here?
Here is a pointless staircase.
The other side of Versailles, away from the train station, is the busier side. Although like I said, mostly shut on Sundays.
There is however a large market, mainly selling, fruit, flowers, cheese and dead poultry. Pickpockets paradise. My shorts have zip up pockets for an added layer of protection. This area of Versailles is called Notre Dame, maybe they just name everything one of about a dozen names to get a group buying discount on signs. Smart.
Montmarte, pickpockets and a great view with beautiful weather
There are no mountains anywhere near Paris. Failure.
The best I can do is go to Montmartre. The global epicentre of pickpockets. It has Mont in the name so you might think its a mountain, but it barely qualifies as a hill.
I have been here before, it might be referred to as Montmartre, or Sacre Coeur, but it should be renamed scammers paradise. Also it is full of hippies and people smoking illegal substances. Dirty people.
It is actually not far from my hotel to Montmartre, so I went on foot, through some of the roughest parts of Africa, I mean France. Lots of eyes following me, strange shops selling empty plastic coke bottles full of strange looking nuts and nothing else, a huge line of people waiting to use a strange looking ATM at the post office, perhaps to get welfare money? Also lots of fried chicken (mild racism!). Basically no one was speaking French but I dont know what part of Africa they came from originally.
Now for an unrelated story because all of that was a bit boring.
Earlier I had to do my ironing, of course my hotel room has no iron, so down to the laundry room with my clothes I go. There is an African lady who I presume works for the hotel ironing some guys shirts (because she was wearing a uniform not because shes African!), so I wait politely, she looks at me suspiciously.
When she is done, she asks in French first, then in English, what do I want? I told her I wanted to use the iron. Long silence.
She said, 'ok then' and backed away slowly. It was a weird sort of an iron, connected to a hose and the wall, but it worked well enough despite the ironing board cover being a towel.
Anyway, I can see her standing in the corridor looking at me funny. Soon after there were 2 more of the African hotel staff looking at me. Eventually they get brave and come back in, and ask, 'Why are you ironing?'.
I told them I have to work tomorrow, need to iron my shirts and pants, I will be done in 5 minutes.
That was not the answer they were looking for, one of them states, 'But you are a man, men should not iron, it is womans work!'. They then continued to talk about me in a hushed African language, laugh occasionally, and generally wonder what the hell is wrong with me.
I approached Mont Sacre Martre Core from the rear, and found some staircases to take as a shortcut. Nice view.
Here it is from the back. The weather was a little cooler this evening, quite a strong breeze.
Around the summit of this challenging peak there are a lot of tourist shops charging $10 for bottled water and $3 to urinate.
The mountain is too challenging for many, who instead take this train that is usually used to transport crippled children around the hospital.
Some thieves are setting up their blankets full of stolen goods. Actually I read these vendors are breaking the law, and are often seen hastily folding up their blanket and running away when the police approach. I did not see that happen today.
More.
There is Paris. All the same height and color.
Filthy Hippies. The guys playing the guitars are terrible. Worse than the piano accordion train beggar from earlier.
Still more.
In these gardens were the same scammers as last time I was here, who specialize in tying your finger to theirs while they rob you. I had some specially prepared insults I was able to unleash upon them.
Indeed.
I took this photo to see if I could encourage a pickpocket to come and find out my shorts have zips. No such luck.
The streets at the bottom are full of slightly less expensive but still price gouging shops specially set up to annoy tourists.
And here is Gare Du Nord station, where I stood up and had a falafel for my dinner, eating one handed while using the other to fight off pickpockets. I am working tomorrow, dont expect pics until the evening.
There are currently 2 comments - click to add
elz on 2019-07-12 said:
est-ce vrai que en France on peut commander de la biere avec un quarter with cheese dans un macdonald ?
mother on 2019-07-08 said:
Don't think much of the Versailles garden - street ones in China are better. What was the building with the inside of the palace photographed on it for? I see the tourists everywhere are mainly young people and lots of Chinese too. I like the old buildings - at least they are preserving them unlike what China did before they saw the value of preserving them for tourists.
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