28 April 2023
Slow motion sex scenes on repeat
Melbourne to Singapore on an Airbus A350
Now I am in Singapore. I have already been here a few hours, and have a few to go, so time to exaggerate and make some stuff up about the flight.
My usual shtick, the mucus games. At first I was a bit disappointed, there was no one sitting next to me on the flight, and the people around me mostly had masks, despite overall well under half the people on the flight having masks. So there was no phlegm hanging in the air at first.
Roughly 2 hours after take off, the lights flicked on and off at full brightness followed by a full hot meal at 2am, just to make sure no one had any chance of getting any sleep. Post meal, still no signs of oral or nasal discharge. Amazing. But then one hour later it was time to turn the lights back on and make a series of announcements 2 hours before landing, waking up everyone who managed to sleep for an hour, that's when the game of mucalinguistics started.
I have decided that humans have devolved to the point of communicating with phlegm gargling. There is the hacking up hello, the uncovered sneeze to express surprise and delight, the cough of agreement (not to be confused with the cough of discontent), the snortle of ridicule and of course the gargle of amazement. Entire conversations were had with people 50 rows apart, everyone on board got to know each other through their salivic salutations.
Now to address the title. Between the seats I could watch what the man in front of me was watching. For 7 hours he put movies on fast forward until any kind of sex scene occurred, then repeated each scene 10 times, sometimes in slow motion. Wait until he finds out the sorts of things you can see on the internet.
As soon as we landed in Singapore, I headed straight to get some free water from the very quiet lounge. I had the whole big bench area to myself and drank 3 litres of water.
There were a couple of other people around at this time, I am back here now 3 hours later and it has quite a few people, but still nowehere near full.
After re-hydrating thoroughly, it was time to walk to every corner of the airport. The gardens are really just smoking areas, and still mostly dead. Here is a view from the cactus garden soon after dawn. They go to great lengths to make it hard to appreciate any kind of view from any of these smoking gardens. Also my camera was fogging up due to the high humidity after exiting the air conditioning, so if the outdoor shots are blurry upon closer inspection, that is why. I can't tell because my glasses are completely fogged over, I am taking photos blind.
The cactus garden is particularly disappointing, mainly a slab of concrete and a few ash trays. Worlds best airport though!
This is the discover garden. You can discover it is mainly a walkway above some ash trays on a piece of fake grass.
And for my last shot of the airport, my usual carpet appreciation. I mentioned it above, I am fascinated by how much carpet is in an airport. I should have bought a tape measure. My mental estimation is 225,000m2. It is of a high quality, loop pile, stain guard, high wear, I estimate with a bulk discount they pay about $30 per m2, so $6.75 million, not including underlay or installation. Less than I thought. See, not only did I deliver a picture, but I made up a heap of info about the airport carport. Where else would you get something like this?